My Beautiful Girl
by MontyBeth
Summary: Serious head trauma has left Commander Samuel Holt unable to recognise Pidge as the daughter he left behind. When the medical equipment has reached all it can do to heal him, Pidge must face the challenge of delving into the man begging her to let him see his daughter. (ANGSTY)(Please review)
1. Chapter 1

**Heyo so I'm a heartless piece of Voltron Crap who loves angst way too much. Enjoy, and this goes out to @mattubular on Tumblr, who I shared this rad idea with and then got a sweet edit of Matt Holt in shades crying back. Enjoy, my dudes. And please review!**

"Dad!"

She had ran into her father's arms, tears making her vision blur. He was back, a little worse for wear, but he was back. Him and Matt...

They'd finally found them. A tip from Thace's files led them to the rebellion, where they found someone who knew a someone...

But that didn't matter. They found them.

Samuel Holt was an old man. There was no dancing around that fact, and he had sustained some serious head trauma during his time in the mines. Matt had explained a cavern that they'd been working in had collapsed sometimes during their imprisonment.

Shiro blamed himself. Pidge could see it, but she hadn't had time to explain why he was being so ridiculous.

For now, she had time to finally hug her father. A man she hadn't seen in over two years. It sounded insignificant when she put it that way. He'd been on longer space missions. Before she was born Samuel Holt had been part of a mission that lasted 3 years.

But when every day was spent fighting aliens, liberating planets and generally risking your life, two years seems a lot longer.

"Hey, kiddo." He hugged her back. "That crazy man with the moustache scanned my head. I can't imagine why."

She blinked back her tears. "Dad, you were in an accident, remember?"

He paused. "That's right, the cave in." He chuckled. It was eerie, it wasn't the nervous laugh of an injured man. It was genuine laughter. "We got off work that day!"

He scratched his temple. "Is Katie going to come by?"

She stiffened.

"You were saying she was here."

"Dad, I'm Katie." She laughed, forcing herself. This was one of his jokes, about how she'd changed so much. She was 15, she cut her hair, she'd grown so much... the punchline would come soon...

"Matt, when is she coming? I miss her." He admitted, fidgeting with his hands. "She must've been so scared, when we were taken."

"I _was._ " she murmured.

"I know you were scared, Matt. We all were. But Katie..." he smiled. "Katie is such a brave girl."

Pidge clenched her fists. "Dad, it's me, it's Katie. I cut my hair, but it's me! It's me, it's your girl!" she was pleading now, holding his hands.

"Matt, I bet Katie never stopped looking for us." He looked her straight in the eyes. They were blank.

He really couldn't recognize her.

"I never stopped, I never..." she was sobbing, she was crying into his lap. She wanted him to open his eyes, to see her. To be with him again, not what the accident had made him.

The door to the infirmary opened. Matt stood there, wearing some extra clothes that must've come from Lance, judging by the way they draped on him. He looked sadly at Pidge, kneeling beside her and wrapping her in his arms.

"He loves you." He told her, rubbing her back. "Every day, the memory of you is what kept him going. The thought of getting back to you, and mom..."

"I failed him, I failed mom..." she cried. "Mom doesn't know what happened, t-to any of us..."

Matt sat there for a while, as Sam stared blankly at his hands, unaware of the exchange happening by him.

Finally Matt looked up to his father. "Dad,"

He looked down. "Yes, Matt?"

"If Katie... were here, right now..." he glanced at her, wiping tears from her eyes. "What would you tell her?"

"She _is_ here, isn't she?" He asked, confused.

"Yes, but you... you can't see her."

"Why not? I want to see her, Matt! I miss her! I want to see my daughter!" He was yelling now.

Pidge stood, taking her brother's hand for support. "I want you to see me too. Coran's going to try to help. To help you recover from the accident."

"Katie, we should go." Matt said quietly, pulling on her hand.

She nodded quietly, letting him lead her. Matt led her, the one who'd been on this ship for a year, instead of the other way around.

Her entire team was waiting for her. Shiro, tears at the corner of his eyes. Lance, hands in his pockets and staring at his shoes. Kieth, his lips in that straight line that meant he was suppressing tears. Coran, looking at her with his kind eyes. Allura, struggling so hard to stay standing tall, while tears snaked down her cheeks.

Hunk, holding out his arms for her.

She fell into them, letting out the sobs she'd harbored earlier. She felt others move around her, rubbing her back, murmuring under her sobs. She felt the cool metal of Shiro's arm resting on her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Pidge." She couldn't tell who said it, she wasn't focusing, she wasn't there. She was back home, a 13 year old girl, watching from the stairs as her mother stared in shock at the television. In that moment, Katie Holt had decided to get her father back. That there was no way she was losing him.

They were all speaking now. "I'm so sorry..."

He was still here. He remembered her, but he couldn't recognise her.

She hadn't gotten him back, after all.

"I want to see my daughter!" Another shout came from behind the doors.

In the battle against Zarkon, they'd lost again.


	2. Chapter 2

"Paladin, there's still something we can do." Coran entered Pidge's room quietly, his arms folded.

Pidge had been quiet for weeks after her father's return. In the meantime, Matt had settled in with the crew. He and Shiro fell right back into place with each other. She hadn't been around Samuel Holt since.

She didn't even look at Coran. "You mean other than grow my hair out? Because that's my plan right now. It'll get in my face while we're shooting aliens, but it's fine." she muttered bitterly. "It's my only shot."

"Actually, it's not." Coran sat down on the bed beside her, holding a headset in his gloved hands. "Remember this?"

"From the team exercises, yeah." She had a lightbulb moment. "You want me to dig around in my dad's head?"

"The regenerative chambers healed your father's injuries. What's left is purely psychological. And I believe you can heal him." He placed the headset on her lap. She stared at it.

"It's your only shot, as you said." Coran smiled. "I believe in you, Katie."

Pidge looked sullenly over her shoulder. "I think I left Katie back on earth."

Matt placed the headset over his father's head, pulling on the straps to tighten it. He had a worried expression, and watched Pidge as she put on her own.

Her father was rambling to Matt... whichever one of them he thought was Matt, anyway... about some joke Shiro had made during the flight to Kerberos. Neither of the Holt children were really listening anyway.

"Hey, Kate..." Matt shortened her name to one syllable, something he only did when he was serious. "You can do it."

"Thanks Matt." she smiled half-heartedly, looking at her father. Even the way he sat was different. Commander Samuel Holt never slumped. Even when he was teasing Katie about chasing off boys with a stick, he sat up straight and his shoulders bounced as 9 year old Katie proclaimed "boys were friends but I wouldn't want to kiss one."

"Hey Matt," she mumbled. "Remember when Dad used to tell me I'd have a pack of boys following me one day?"

Confusion crossed his face. "What- oh yeah, I guess."

She opened her arms wide, gesturing to the entire ship. Matt laughed in realization. "I don't think this is what he meant, Katie."

But wasn't it?

 _The entire Holt family sat to dinner, the last time they would for a while. Tomorrow the patriarch and eldest son would embark for Kerberos, a moon at the edge of the solar system._

 _Commander Holt made jokes about frozen peas. Katie smirked. He really did love that joke. Almost as much as he loved the Garrison's peas._

 _"I wish I was going with you." she mumbled._

 _"I bet you'll be part of something big one day..."_

"I'll bring him back." Pidge insisted, sitting cross legged on the infirmary floor. "Coran, I'm ready."

From outside the door, Coran activated the headsets. And Pidge dove into the thought process of a broken man.

 **A/N: Sorry this part is so short! I really wanted a new chapter for actually being _in_ Commander Holt's mind. Thank you so much for all your reviews! Your angsty tears feed my muse. Speaking of, I'd appreciate it if you checked out my other Voltron story, Medic. It has an OC, yes, but really does read like an episode of the show and presents a cool concept. (If I do say so myself). 5 chapters are up and I've only got one AWESOME person reviewing... /**

 **But thank you all for reading and reviewing, next update will be soon!**


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